ThyCa, Thyroid Cancer, Uncategorized

F#ck Off, 2015!

So long! Fuck You! Sayonara! Ciao! Adios! Au revoir!

Seriously – Get this goddamn year out of here already.

Shitty years and unfortunate circumstances have been tossed everyone’s way at one point or another. It makes sense – the baton has to be passed in this life race. I took it for the team this year. I grabbed that metal son of bitch and ran and ran and ran and ran as fast as I could. I never gave up. I never slowed down. I sweat. I bled. Literally.

I am ready to make that pass.

This current year has been beyond my power. The self awareness is solid – My situation may look like fuzzy kittens and frolicking unicorns compared to many others around the world, but I’m done. I need mental rest. I crave it! And I realize that  I have no control over what happens next, I’m cool with that. There’s always going to be something. But here’s me begging and pleading to the Universe for those somethings to be small and less invasive on the soul moving forward. For a while at least. Pretty please? Pretty, pretty, please.

I considered mapping out all the things that went rouge in the last 364. It’d be so easy to do, you know, dwell. But then I says to myself – Why give those awful circumstances life through rememberance? I will never forget and there’s nothing to forgive, but it’s time to let it all go. It’s all happened and there’s not a damn thing I or anyone else can do about it. Instead of looking at my blind spots solely as flaws, I’ve started to consider viewing these terrible things that have crossed my path as opportunity. Opportunity to grow as a human. To focus these experiences into lessons learned and accept what is. Ultimately, we’re all pretty fucking lucky – Very lucky to be here on earth. And sometimes unexpected predicaments happen to put us in our place. Yet so much still doesn’t make any sense.

Then, there’s the other side of the rainbow. So many things went right this year. I traveled a lot – the Midwest being my main attraction. I logged the most successful year in freelance design to date. I have wonderful friends who had babies or took major life chances, getting them closer to their dreams and where they really want to be. My cat and husband are handsome and healthy. I’m surrounded by amazing people, who would bring me champagne at 4AM (hint, hint) if I ever just asked. I checked off a handful of personal goals I had set for myself by the time I turned 30. Actually, all of them except retiring.

Life can be a two-faced bitch.

And the years continue roll on. Everything is going to change and get harder for each and every one of us at some point. There’s no way to stop it. So CHEERS to 2016 and all the mysteries it holds. To reworking what has happened into something we can flourish from. To positive thinking and looking for the beauty in everything. To being a combination of past influence and common ground.



“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.” 

― Elizabeth Taylor